The Scariest Thing I've Ever Done is Harbor Hope
Life@GWN with Dolores Haze
You might be sensing a theme. This week is the next installment in a collection of stories about professional affiliations that become friendships, how new jobs bring former colleagues together, about being a mentor, and being mentored. Meet mentee and Girls Write Now editorial intern, Dolores Haze...in her own words.
Tell Us About Your Life@GWN
Having discovered that my love for writing was more than a simple hobby, I heard about Girls Write Now (GWN) in the Spring of my Junior year. I applied, confident in my poetry sample inspired by the story Alice in Wonderland. Just as I was about to give up hope, I got my acceptance, and was elated. That initial program year cemented my love for writing, and allowed me
to envision a future for myself– one where I would write myself into existence.
Joining Girls Write Now helped develop my creative writing skills, and was one of the best decisions that I made during my high school years.
What Is Your Favorite Compliment?
I introduce myself as a writer because Girls Write Now allowed me to feel comfortable being myself. I am also comfortable hearing people say to me “I miss your energy.” Hearing this is a testament to how much space I take up; people notice my presence. I want the people I come across to associate me with positivity, helpfulness, and kindness.
To hear that people miss my “energy” when I am not present means I must be doing something right.
What’s The Scariest Thing You've Ever Done?
Still, the scariest thing that I have ever done is harbor hope. As I have grown older, I realize that healthy collaboration is actually the most responsible and mature thing someone can do. I was recently hit with what I have coined as a “health-scare.” If I did not have such a caring support system, I would surely not be here. I spent a lot of time ruminating on what it means to keep going; to have faith that there will be something better… one day. I came to understand that bravery was not the lack of fear (I am still scared till this day) but the decision to move forward in the face of it.
I have not had the financial liberty to go on vacation until recently, when I took a short solo trip to Puerto Rico in 2022, and fell deeply in love with the island. I carry a sense of displacement everywhere I go; it never goes away but I have learned to live with it. In Puerto Rico, that feeling completely vanished. The sun, heat, and warmth of the people healed something deep within my soul. Owning a house in Puerto Rico is now one of my goals.
What One Thing Do You Always Carry With You?
One item I do tend to carry everywhere I go is a book. I was recently asked if I’d ever escape to a deserted island. It’s difficult for me to conceptualize – I have too many follow-up questions. Am I willingly going? For how long? Can I leave the island when I wish to or am I stuck? How will I know which water is drinkable? In this deserted island scenario, I would take my favorite book which is Hannibal by Thomas Harris. I never buy more than one copy of a book. Some of my friends keep several: However, I like the idea of love as an act of transformation; some of my favorite books are no longer in chronological order, their spines long ago deteriorated into shreds. My copy of Hannibal does not have a front or back cover. I know the narrative so well and have memorized entire passages. One of my favorite pastimes is to create new stories out of the ones I know so well. What happens to characters if the narrative jumps from page 34 to page 2? What happens if I splice in a verse from one of my favorite poems? It’s a lot of fun when you envision a different world. I learned so much about writing during my tenure in the Girls Write Now program that I can dare to dream about book transformation.
I Strive to Associate Myself With the Best People….
Thankfully, the small circle of friends and mentors I have pieced together is the stuff of dreams and I wake up thankful everyday. Emotional safety is important to me, mostly because I’ve been on the other side – emotionally guarded. To be emotionally guarded means you're on the fence… all the time; paranoid and distrustful of others. You can be in a room full of people you consider “loved ones” and still feel desolate and isolated. I can’t even recall the last time I felt lonely.
I had a very narrow understanding of what advocating for myself looked like and my mentor, Brenda, taught me that self-advocacy doesn’t ever stop. I thought self-advocacy was condensed to isolated moments, that there were only certain times to be a little more persistent and stubborn about getting what I wanted, but I was wrong. Self-advocacy is making micro-decisions; making doctor’s appointments, looking out for the future-you by doing the dishes tonight instead of dreading them in the morning. Self-advocacy is talking to multiple departments until you hear a “yes,” relentless, restless, and restful. It is about creating inner-peace for yourself and striving, always, to reach your full potential.
Self-advocacy... is about creating inner-peace for yourself and striving, always, to reach your full potential.